Regrettably, some experts take pleasure in looking down their noses at their audience. They sit on their high horse and point out the flaws and limitations of the people they should otherwise be helping. Some SMEs think they can be dominant because they gained a little knowledge or skill. But when SMEs interact with an audience, they should do so with sincerity and genuine interest.
No one likes condescension, haughtiness, or contempt. An anonymous internet quote summarizes a typical sentiment toward people like that: “Your pompous attitude and condescending manner have convinced me that you are very smart and terribly important. Said no one, ever.”
Condescension is the opposite of humility and is unbecoming of any SME. Yet for some people, condescension is a frequent behavior. Rarely do people intend to be snobs, but they say and do things that come across as arrogant and insensitive. Often, they don’t even know they’re doing it. Here are ten observations that might help curb your condescending impulses.
OBSERVATION NO. 1: Add to what is said instead of disagreeing with it.
Condescending: “Well, you could do that, but it would actually be a lot better if you did this.”
Appropriate: “Yes, you could do that. What other options have you considered?”
Starting with words like well and actually, implies that you think you are
superior.
OBSERVATION NO. 2: Focus rather than minimize.
Condescending: “Simple, all you really need is . . . ”
Appropriate: “To ensure I understand, I think you are saying you need this . . . ”
Pretending you understand the other party’s needs better than they do is always arrogant.
OBSERVATION NO. 3: Listen until you understand.
Condescending: “You did A, B, and C, right?
Appropriate: “Please explain the sequence you followed.”
Allowing other people to speak while you do something else is not listening.
OBSERVATION NO. 4: Don’t minimize the contribution of others.
Condescending: “Well, you’ve got the right idea, but a better approach would be to . . . ”
Appropriate: “That’s an excellent idea. It is similar to when people do . . . ”
Remember that the wisdom of the experts was first taught by someone else.
OBSERVATION NO. 5: Don’t insert yourself.
Condescending: “That reminds me of a time when I . . . ”
Appropriate: “That’s terrific. May I tell other people about your experience?”
It is obvious when SMEs are motivated by glorifying themselves rather than by helping others.
OBSERVATION NO. 6: Don’t interrupt.
Condescending: “Well, I think . . . ”
Appropriate: Eyes on speaker, mouth shut.
It takes time for people to express their entire thought, so grant them the freedom to do so, at their own pace.
OBSERVATION NO. 7: Be open to alternatives.
Condescending: “Well, I think . . . ”
Appropriate: “Please explain that thought further.”
Few things are more condescending than an SME who isn’t patient enough to listen to the people who make their expertise necessary and valuable.
OBSERVATION NO. 8: Let your audience digest what you’ve said.
Condescending: “After that you should . . . ”
Appropriate: “What questions do you have about that step?”
Don’t be so quick to solve a problem that your audience can’t remember the first step of the solution.
OBSERVATION NO. 9: Show curiosity.
Condescending: “Yep, I’ve heard that before . . . ”
Appropriate: “Can you tell me more about that?”
Showing interest in a person conveys respect, validation, and humility.
OBSERVATION NO. 10: Say thank you.
Gratitude is a sign of respect. It is hard to be condescending when you are offering genuine appreciation.
No matter how masterful an SME may be, no matter how smart or skilled, there is no long-term benefit to condescension. A smug SME may receive a quick dopamine jolt from humiliating a novice, but the long-term effect is negative for the expert.
At the end of the day, a condescending attitude alienates an SME from friends, superiors, colleagues, and customers. After a decade of snobbery, one highly experienced SME confessed, “I was left feeling smug and superior, but I was viewed as a petty, snobbish, nit-picking geek by my peers.” Don’t look down your nose at your audience. Doing so limits your influence and decreases your usefulness. No matter how great you are, or how uninformed your audience may be, don’t condescend.
